Frequently Asked Questions About Marriage Counseling

When should a couple seek marriage counseling/family therapy?

1. When communications between the partners often takes on a tone of being negative, hostile, or antagonistic to each other.
2. When arguments have led to violence or physical fighting, such as slaps, shoving, hitting, or holding down.
3. When marital problems cause one spouse to become depressed, anxious, drink excessively, feel insecure, lose their self-esteem, or withdraw.
4. Whenever one or both partners avoid or withdraw from the other or develop a lifestyle that excludes the other against their wishes.
5. When there are sexual problems in the relationship that cannot seem to be solved, and especially if the sexual problems cause bad feelings or frustration.
6. When either marital partner is seriously considering having an affair or has been unfaithful. This is true even if the affair is non-sexual but the feelings that have developed are of closeness and intimacy.
7. When a child is having serious problems and the parents disagree on how to handle the problem.
8. Whenever a couple agrees together that they have problems and do not know how to change things or solve their differences.
9. When there is excessive jealousy present without reason.
10. When a spouse acts out feelings with actions that are spiteful, mean, hateful, or vengeful.
11. When the feelings of "us" in the marriage become replaced with feelings of "me" by one or both partners. That is, when what one spouse wants to do is more important than what is best for them as a couple.
12. When there is a feeling that the partners are just sharing living quarters and not really sharing a relationship together.
13. When partners stay together just for the sake of the children and would otherwise divorce.

What kinds of skills do couples usually learn in counseling?
Examples of skills couples learn in sessions with Robin Weinberger:

1. How to stop fighting and start problem-solving.
2. The "Ground Rules" for improving the communications process.
3. Learning how to avoid the "hot buttons" and other triggers to arguments.
4. How to prevent talking about problems from escalating into fighting about problems.
5. How to avoid blaming each other.
6. How to agree to disagree about problems and what to do next.
7. How to plan for the best times to talk about problems.
8. How to know when to bring up the past and when not to.
9. How to develop "win-win" solutions.10. How to state a complaint that has the best chance of your spouse wanting to correct the problem.
10. What to do when you feel misunderstood.

What is the typical length of marital therapy? How many sessions are required?
The severity of problems that married couples bring to therapy can range from minor to very severe, so it is a difficult question to answer. Many couples may benefit greatly from as few as 3 to 6 sessions. However, longer, more entrenched problems may take longer to find workable solutions.

What does it cost, and will insurance pay?

Robin Weinberger's fees are typical and customary of licensed therapists with comparable training and experience in the South Florida region. The fee for all sessions is $200.00 per hour, and last 50 minutes. Special accommodations may be made for persons with financial difficulties. While the cost may appear high, the cost of and the potential benefits of therapy must be weighed against the potential high price of doing nothing and allowing problems and the marriage to worsen and deteriorate. There is so much at stake.

Insurance companies have coverage for family therapy, but the benefits vary greatly. You can check your insurance, or upon request, our office will gladly verify your coverage. If coverage exists, you need only pay, at time of services, the deductible or co-payment. As a courtesy we will file the insurance claims for you.

Do both spouses come to the first visit or should one of us go first?

It is almost always best if both partners come together to the first visit. Often, Robin will ask to see each spouse at least once individually sometime after the initial visit. However, since marital therapy is a joint effort with a great deal at stake, it is most important for both spouses to attend the sessions together.

What do I do if I want marriage counseling but my spouse refuses to come?

The spouse that is reluctant to attend counseling may have misconceptions regarding just what counseling is all about. These misconceptions include, for example, fears that the therapist will "gang up" with the opposite spouse against him or her. Nothing is farther from the truth. Your therapist is highly trained to maintain neutrality in the face of attempts by both spouses to get the therapist to side with them. It is this neutrality and willingness to hear and understand each spouse that is at the heart of effective counseling. Rather than encourage pointing fingers, it is the therapists' job to guide each spouse to a greater understanding of the issues that drive the conflicts in the marriage. With this understanding, solutions to problems can be found.

Another approach to motivate the spouse to attend counseling is to enlist him or her not to be the focus of therapy, but rather to "help the therapist" - to join in the effort to assist the therapist know more about the willing spouse. Often this approach makes the idea of counseling less threatening to the unwilling partner.

If a spouse is still resistant to the idea of marriage counseling, then you may still be able to benefit from individual counseling. The idea here is that a change in one spouse can significantly effect the behavior of the other spouse.

For example, by improving your own communication skills with your spouse, the reluctant spouse may notice a change for the better during conflict and problem-solving and may be motivated to make changes as well. If nothing else, the willing partner can often learn from counseling, how to cope better with a stressful marriage situation.

What can we expect to happen in the first session?

The symptoms of marital distress most often arise from each spouse viewing the same issue from different perspectives. Therefore, during the initial session, Robin will want each of you to describe the problems from your perspective. She will want to know long these problems have existed and what has and has not worked in the past in finding solutions. She will want to know what goals and expectations each partner has for counseling. Together Robin and the couple will formulate a 'game plan' to tackle the problems. She will try to answer any questions the couple has about the counseling process. Very often Robin will suggest a 'homework' assignment or some special activity for the couple to do between sessions that is intended to powerfully address their most pressing problems.

What can I expect from marriage counseling?

Robin's approach is solution-oriented and designed to aid couples in developing skills to address and resolve their most pressing problems. The successful outcome of marital therapy aims to yield the following results:

1. You will experience less anger, fear, anxiety, and reduced levels of frustration. You may recapture some of the "magic" that you found early on in the relationship.
2. Improved communication - you will begin to truly "hear" the other person, perhaps for the first time in your marriage. This leads to greater understanding, and decreased levels of tension and frustration.
3. An improvement in sexual interest and increase in intimate activity.
4. An improved capacity for problem-solving within the marriage. When problems arise, they are handled openly and constructively.
5. A greater sense of "us" that is at the same time, honors and respects the unique emotional needs and capacities of each spouse. You feel better about yourself as a partner in the marriage, thus increasing your capacity to give and receive love from your partner.
6. Obviously, it is impossible to achieve this level of results for each and every couple in therapy. It is, however, Robin's intent to impact powerfully and favorably upon each couple she works with. With her great experience, skill, compassion she has helped hundreds of couples achieve the type of marriage they've longed to have.